Try making friends in a year sometime, from that first shy handshake to goodbye in 365 days. It just ain't natural for it to transpire so quickly. For Talia, 8 years old in a nine kid classroom, it seemed to go really well. The classmates were like bunnies in a warren, cozy and close. For Sabina it was harder. 5th grade girls were not as welcoming to the new gringa, sometimes shy herself. Tyler was slow and steady and made wonderful friends with a parent at school named Lis, her mentor Coco at the child care center/shelter, our spanish teacher, Mercedes and women in the neighborhood. Not to mention a bunch of wonderful U.S. families that we befriended.
I was a bit of a bull in the china shop, kind of approaching friend making as I did bad fundraising. That is, get to the point a little too quickly, like a randy teenage boy on a first date. The whole idea of reciprocity went out the window. If they didn't call me back for my invitation to have a beer, I'd call them again. And again. Perhaps I broke a bunch of cultural rules - when I asked Mercedes to interpret the fact that no one called me back, she offered "have you considered that maybe they don't like you?". I was too thick for that likely explanation and by the time we left I felt rich in friends, even getting calls back (or texts anyway) from Gonsalo, Sergio and Humberto. One year was far too short; we'll do our best to nourish the new friendships from afar.
Of course, we were blessed to live in community with dear friends Brian, Susanna, Ruby and Arlo. Most nights we ate together and many weekends we headed out on adventures to the mountains and the coast. It was an amazing opportunity to renew dailiness with folks I hadn't lived near in 25 years and to see our children bond like long lost cousins. The candle still burns bright!
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Tyler, Daniel, et al. I wonder if you are still "connected" to this blog. I wonder if you are still connected to Oaxaca. I stumbled across your blog when looking for old info on Teizcali...where my son went to school the first year we lived in Oaxaca (2011-2012). I too did art classes with Humberto and knew Liz and Mariana.
After seven years we had to leave Oaxaca. It seems you got out before the 2010 troubles, and we came in after the dust had settled. So all in all, your postings brought back many fond memories of Oaxaca. Assuming you're still in the States, I'm curious how you and the kids have done after a decade away from Oaxaca. I know I will never be the same from the effects Oaxaca had on me (and by that I mainly mean the People of Oaxaca). Your postings got me teared up thinking of the fond friends and times there.
It would be great for your family to do a retrospective post or two. As my son is now 17, I'd be really curious to hear what your kids think the experience meant to them...as they are surely on their way into well-intentioned lives like your blog posts hint at. Best wishes.
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